


Flying High

by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Drug Withdrawal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 01:20:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16460729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness/pseuds/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: Alexander didn't expect to see a kid at the needle exchange. As time goes on he can't help but get involved.





	Flying High

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cant_We_Just_Dance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/gifts).



> A gift for Jam cause she's gr8! And cause she was nice enough to give me one with Jamilton mermaids, seems fair that I give her a nice angsty kid fic

The first time Alexander saw the kid he had to do a double take. The kid was too small, too young, too… everything to be in line at a needle exchange.

But then he looked up at Alexander and Alexander felt his heart sink. The kid had seen some shit. It was the same gaze he saw in the mirror, daring the world to take him on and begging it not to. Alexander approached the boy and sat down.

“Can I help?” Alexander asked, glancing at the track marks on the teenager's arms.

“I- I heard you can get free needles here. Right?”

“Yeah. And you can drop off dirty needles.”

The teenager pulled the backpack off his back. He rifled through it for a moment and Alexander saw clothing and food in there and felt his heart sink even further.

“Here.” The teenager mumbled, shoving a packet of empty needles at Alexander. Alexander took them and placed them in the yellow biohazard bin. He ignored how the teenager tracked the movement with his eyes.

“What's your name, kid?” Alexander asked softly.

“What the fuck does that matter?” The teenager asked. “And I'm not a kid.”

“I just wanted to know.”

“... John.” The teenager said. Alexander was sure it wasn't his real name but he nodded and marked it down on a form. “Are you writing that down?”

“We need some proof for inventory. Age?”

“... 18.”

That lie hurt even more somehow. Alexander paused for a moment and glanced up at the teenager who looked away.

“Okay.” Alexander murmured. “Here.” He pushed a packet of fresh needles across the table. “Do you want any of our other services?”

“No.” John said, stuffing the needles into his backpack. “Thanks man.”

“John, come back here when you get through those needles.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

 

Alexander stared into the middle distance, slowly tapping his fingers against the counter top. Thomas paused as he entered the room.

“Lex?” Thomas asked but he got no reply. He slowly approached. “Lex?” He asked again. Alexander jumped violently.

“Fuck! Don't sneak up on me!”

“I didn't. You were off in your own world. Did something happen?”

“I'm fine. Or I would be if my husband didn't fucking sneak up on me!”

“Yeah, sure. You were at the drug clinic today, weren't you?” Thomas asked. Alexander stared at the floor and Thomas sighed.

“Who was it?”

“This kid. I reckon he's… fifteen? Track marks, backpack full of clothes, bruises. Fuck, Thomas, why can't I do something?”

“You know damn well why.” Thomas murmured, hugging Alexander. “What would you have done if some stranger tried to look after you?”

“Blow them?” Alexander half asked. Thomas scoffed and held Alexander just a bit closer. “Look, I'm fine, alright?” Alexander said, pushing Thomas away. “Just… just thinking.”

“Make sure it stays that way. I'd hate to have to celebrate another anniversary with just Gil.”

“Oh come off it, you love the guy.”

“Not as much as I love having both of you.” Thomas swooped in and planted a sloppy kiss on Alexander's cheek. Alexander squawked and batted him away.

“Gross!”

“That's not very nice, darling.”

“You'll see not very nice!” Alexander responded as he grabbed a wooden spoon. Thomas's eyes widened and he ran from the kitchen as Alexander gave chase.

 

John soon became a regular at the clinic which only slightly soothed Alexander's worries. He normally hovered until he spotted Alexander and then made a beeline for him.

“So why'd you do this?” John asked quietly. Alexander glanced up at him in surprise. This was the first time he'd done anything more than the bare minimum. “Why waste your weekend with a load of druggies?”

“I… I like giving back.” Alexander lied. John frowned and tilted his head. Alexander shrugged. “I used to-”

“You used to be in the army.” John said. “A Colonel. That's not easy. Now you're a lawyer. Married to a politician. Why waste time on druggies?”

“How do you know about that?”

“Facebook and Google. You should update your privacy settings.”

“Oh.”

“So?”

“I… had a life before that. One that I'm not proud of. A man, a General in the army, helped me through it. I joined up under his command. This is me repaying him.”

“Huh.” John fiddled with the bottom of his shirt. It was torn and frayed. He was silent for a long moment and Alexander thought he was about to leave. “Do you know the number of a homeless shelter that won't rat me out to CPS?” John asked quietly. “Or- or ICE?”

“Yes.” Alexander said softly. “I have directions and everything.”

“Can I… can I have them?”

“Of course.”

 

“You're up late.” Lafayette murmured as he sat down next to Alexander on the sofa. “Come to bed, amour. Thomas is antsy.”

“Tell Thomas to go jerk off.” Alexander spat out. Lafayette stared at Alexander in surprise for a moment.

“Alexander?”

“Do you ever wonder where I could've ended up? If it wasn't for Washington, I mean.”

“I think about that only in my nightmares.”

“I can't sleep.” Alexander announced. “Keep imagining-” he scratched absently at the crook of his arm and Lafayette scowled.

“Alexander, it has been so long. Please, do not break this streak.”

“Huh?”

“Your addiction.”

“Oh. That. No. I wasn't- well I guess I thought about that but- but it wasn't- I dunno.”

“Maybe you should go to NA tomorrow.”

“God, Laf, they're so fucking cloying! I don't want to sit in a circle and talk about my feelings. I just- the needle exchange makes me feel like I'm doing something, you know? NA makes me feel like I'm stuck.”

“Your therapist?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Alexander-”

“Yeah I know.” Alexander sighed and leant back. “Fucking hell.”

 

“Do you reckon I could join the army?” John asked one day. Alexander stared at him before he tried to gather his thoughts.

“Maybe…”

“You sound doubtful.”

“My friend, the General, lied to get me in. Turned a blind eye to a lot of forged paperwork. Plus, they'd want a real name.”

“Wh-what?”

“Your name isn't John and I doubt you're eighteen.”

“I am and it is!”

“Really?”

“Is Hamilton your real surname?”

“Touche.” Alexander murmured. “Anyway, the army would never take you if you're still using. Get yourself clean and you have a shot. I have some information on that if you're interested.”

“I… it won't help. I'm… I've always been this way.”

“No you haven't. No one's born addicted.”

John stared at Alexander for a moment before he looked down.

“Some people are.”

 

Alexander curled up in the spare bedroom, feeling tears streaking down his face. Thomas took one look at him before he lay down beside him.

Thomas gently took Alexander's hand and entwined his fingers, not saying a word, just offering his silent support. Alexander leant into him after a while and his sobs began to die down.

“Drug clinic?” Thomas asked quietly.

“Don't ask me to stop.”

“Not gonna, Lex.”

“He… he's not got anyone.”

“You do.” Thomas wiped away Alexander's tears. “You have people. Remember that. You used to be in his position and now you have people.”

“Took me a lot to get here. I don't want him to go through that.”

“I know, darling.” Thomas whispered as he held Alexander close. “I know.”

 

“You mentioned other services.” John said quietly one day. Alexander paused before he nodded.

“Are you interested?”

“Ye- yeah. Do you… do you give out condoms?”

Alexander felt like he'd been punched in the gut as he stared at the boy who wouldn't meet his eyes.

“John…”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” Alexander whispered. “Do you know what size you are?”

“S-size?” John asked, a tremor of fear in his voice.

“Condoms come in a variety of sizes. Too big or too small and you risk it breaking or not fitting.”

“Uh… medium? I guess?”

“I'll give you a small variety and you can work out what works for you.” Alexander picked up a small packet and slid it across the table. “Do you need a demonstration of how to put one on?”

“I… can probably work it out.”

“Do you want STI testings for what you might have picked up in the past?”

“I haven't had sex before.” John whispered as he stared down at the packet. Alexander stared at him and felt sick. History was repeating itself and he couldn't help.

“Why are you doing it, John?”

“Cause he raised the prices.” John whispered. He rubbed at his eyes and sniffled. “I- I need the drugs, Alexander. I just do. I'm- I'm sorry.”

“I can get you into a rehabilitation programme. If you tell me your real age then CPS can support you. I can get you a roof over your head. You don't need to do this, John. There are options!”

“Not for people like me.” John whispered. He slowly pocketed the condoms.

“I used to be like you.” Alexander blurted out. “I sold myself for the next hit. Until-”

“Until what?”

Alexander took in a shaky breath and gestured down at himself.

“I'm trans. Until I got pregnant. Until I gave birth to a tiny baby who was already addicted, already hurt. I gave him up. General Washington found me and reformed me. I entered the military at eighteen.”

“I can't get pregnant.” John said quietly. “So what does it matter?”

 

John didn't turn up the next week.

 

Or the next.

 

Or the next.

 

His name was moved silently from regular visitor to irregular. Alexander tried not to sob.

 

Alexander sat at the counter, staring at the bottle in front of him. Thomas sighed before he sat across from him.

“I thought we had an agreement. No liquor in the house.”

“It's mine. So you don't need to worry.”

“Say that again to the alcoholic, please.” Thomas said softly.

“It's my alcohol.”

Thomas sighed before he grabbed two glasses and set them down.

“We share everything, don't we? So we should share this.”

“Why do you put up with me?”

“Excuse me?” Thomas asked, thrown.

“Laf can fuck you nicely. I'm just a drug addicted whore from the streets.”

“You're my Lex.” Thomas said softly. “My beautiful, wonderful, smart Lex.”

“Do you think he's happy?”

“I know he is. He has your strength and brains. Your baby was and will always be a fighter.” Thomas reached out a hand and took Alexander's. “You have to see a therapist. You have to.”

“I could just go find a dealer.”

“And I could just down this bottle but we choose not to, for the sake of our family.”

“I-” Alexander broke off as the doorbell rang. He groaned softly.

“I'll get it, darling.” Thomas said as he stood and walked to the door. He opened it to find a short kid who was swaying slightly.

“Does- does Alexander Hamilton live here?” The kid asked weakly. Thomas nodded and the boy stumbled inside.

“Who are you?”

“John!” Alexander exclaimed, running forwards. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“Can I come in, sir?” John mumbled before he pitched forwards and fainted. Thomas grabbed him just in time and shook his head.

“He's too light, Lex.”

“Bring him to the spare room!” Alexander snapped. Thomas nodded and took the stairs two at a time. He laid the boy down gently on the bed and brushed his curls away from his face.

“God, he's so young…” Thomas whispered. Alexander nodded, pulling off John's jacket.

“Fuck.” Alexander whispered as he stared at the fresh track marks. “He's been using. Probably dirty needles.”

“Will he need a hospital?”

“No. He's still high if his pupils are anything to go by. Go through his bag, see if there's any drugs and put them somewhere he and I can't find.”

Thomas hesitated for a second before he nodded and began to rifle through the bag. John whined weakly and began to shake as if he was cold. Alexander pulled the duvet up around him and then paused.

There was blood soaking through John's jeans.

Alexander took in a deep breath before he slowly ignored it. He couldn't help until John asked him to.

Instead he pulled up a chair and began to sit a silent vigil.

 

John woke slowly, blinking in confusion. He never got to sleep in the beds so where was he? His gaze fell on Alexander and he froze.

“Hello John.” Alexander whispered.

“I- I'm sorry. I didn't- there was nowhere else- it's freezing and- I'm really sorry, sir!”

“It's okay, John.” Alexander murmured. “Why come here?”

“Cause… cause my dealer asked for something I wasn't happy with. Said I had to do it or he'd cut me off. I… even I have limits. And you said you could help me get clean. So…”

“Yeah, I can. But that requires some honesty. Have you been selling your body for drugs?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have a family looking for you?”

“No. I was given up at birth. My mother was a druggie so I was addicted. My foster families liked to remind me of that. They didn't care when I ran.”

“How old are you?”

“Just turned sixteen.”

“Your name? Your real one, please.”

John stared down at his hands and sighed.

“Phillip James.” He muttered. “My mother bothered to name me at least.

Alexander froze, staring at the boy. It shouldn't be possible. “Alexander? Are you… okay?”

“Getting clean is difficult, Phillip. Very difficult. I'm willing to support you through it but you have to want it. You have to want it more than anything else.”

“I… I can't keep living like this. It's gonna kill me. I don't want that. I wanna live my life.”

“It'll be hell.”

“You did it.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

 

Phillip sat on the countertop, swinging his legs slowly. Thomas paused and walked into the room.

“Hey there, Phillip. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Alexander's out. So… so I'm just kinda bored.”

“Well do you want to do something? Read a book?”

“I'm about to go into withdrawal and you ask if I wanna read a book?”

“It helped me.”

“What were you on? Crack? Heroin? Weed?”

“Alcohol.”

“Oh.”

Thomas sat down across from Philip.

“It nearly ruined my life. Lafayette and a friend tried to help me and I nearly ruined them. It's just what addicts do.”

“Do you regret it?”

“I regret it every single day.”

“I meant getting clean.”

Thomas stared at Phillip for a long moment.

“I only regret that occasionally.”

 

Phillip whined as he thrashed about in the bed. Alexander watched him silently.

“Is there really nothing we can do?” Lafayette asked.

“He's crashing. We have to let it run its course. If we don't then it'll just be worse.”

“What if it kills him?” Lafayette whispered.

“It won't. He's strong. No one could go through what he has and not be.”

 

“I fucking have you.” Phillip groaned softly as Alexander gathered the teenager's hair back. Phillip gagged and threw up again. “Hate you.”

“Let it out.” Alexander murmured, rubbing the boy's back. “Just let it out.”

“How long will this take?” Lafayette asked softly.

“A while.” Alexander murmured. “We've just gotta be here.”

“I hate you.” Phillip groaned as he sagged back. Alexander nodded and wiped his sweaty brow.

“Okay, kid.”

 

Phillip sat down at the kitchen table, looking pale. The three adults did a double take.

“I'm fine, okay? My body's used to detoxing.” Phillip murmured. “I just- I'm hungry.”

Thomas and Lafayette nodded and moved to start cooking while Alexander shifted closer to Phillip.

“How shit are you feeling?”

“Very.”

“But you've gone through all this before?”

“I tried getting off the drugs before. Always relapsed.”

“It happens.” Thomas chimed in. “To everyone.”

“It does.” Alexander said softly. “But you're trying again and that's what's important.”

Phillip groaned at that and lay face down on the table. Alexander smiled at the sight and began to stroke his brown curls.

“Here is some toast.” Lafayette announced. “Plain, to help with the nausea.”

Phillip nodded his gratitude and began slowly eating the toast. He paused after the first slice and bolted from the room. Alexander winced.

“Anyone know where we put the mop?”

 

“You knew.” Phillip announced. Alexander turned to him in surprise.

“Pip?”

“You knew that you're my… parent.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Alexander whispered. Phillip bit his lip and shifted slightly.

“Was that why you took the blood sample?”

“Yes. It's confirmed.”

“Why did you abandon me?”

“Because I had to. I couldn't serve with a new born and I didn't have any other job prospects. I… I didn't think you'd get readdicted. I thought you'd be happy.”

“Why Phillip James?”

“James is my father's name. I thought you could do something good with it. Phillip… something new. A second chance. So you wouldn't be trapped in what happened to me.”

“That's almost funny.”

“Does this change anything?”

“I dunno? You're not my papi but… you've done more for me than most people- anyone else. And- and you wanna keep doing it so… maybe?”

“I talked to my partners. We… if you were willing to be adopted then we can take you in. As you're family it'll be easier.”

“Family.” Phillip murmured. “Huh. Not had one of them before. Not really anyway.”

“Well now you do.”

“Yeah. Guess I do.”


End file.
